Of course giving up on a relationship is painful. At first I had sadden, and had so many doubts. I ended up confronting my doubts & it was for the better. After he was unemployed for 2 years helping him do random jobs, to help him. Helped him out for 3 years. Promised me many things that did not come true! He found a six figure job, and moved. After a month into moving he started to show his true colors! He went to a lingerie bar, wow does money change someone 180! Riddance to him!
For the past three days I have been in bed, just getting up to exist. Again I feel hurt, but this is nothing new. Don’t worry, this time I have help of a psychologist & psychiatrist. Its okay to feel the way I feel, and its okay to feel like just existing.
Life sucks, I just hope to find someone who makes it less sucky. Ya know?
I was walking around the Irvine Spectrum, it was bittersweet. I lived in Irvine for 2 years! I was sitting in Starbucks for quite some time doing some assignments, feeling the way I did. Then this older man about in his 40s- late 50s just started talking. At first I thought well maybe he wont talk anymore. Then he kept going on and on. So I decided to just talking going along, & found it soo worth while. We talked about relationships and how it came to be today, the ones with our family. Culture, and our views on God. As he shared soo many stories. We sat there total strangers, and had a 2 hour conversation nonstop. Its a funny coincidence because as we were talking about our parents, we both found we were both Orphans & another funny coincidence his mother name is the same as I! I will say this. I don’t meet many people that are orphans like I. Its a different experience because you go through life with a different lens.
I was feeling a bit down since in the area….
I guess faith has it way. Although I will never have a conversation with Robert ever again, I hope to have more conversations from people who come all over the world. I love insight and stories they tell. Just the spark in their eyes/facial expression make the best of conversations.
To end this snippet. I did enjoy my day. I will branch out more to talk to others.
Note: Quite a few things have changed since I been there, the Regal theater was Edwards & the Starbucks use to be right across from it not next!
Rename this blog? Not sure.
As much I would like to say my life is going great, there are times where it isn’t! Although I am taking the right path for me, it is hard. The toughness does bring character, and while I am working towards a new beginning of “I did it!”, in the time being I am facing severe anxiety and depression. It does not go away, I always hoped it went away but it never did! I have been living on my own since 18 years old, and I wish I could say if anything fails I will go back to my parents house! (If you don’t know yet my parents passed away when I was young). It would be easy to attend college early on with a stable environment but I didn’t have that option it was always been between almost becoming homeless or working to survive on my own.
I am doing it, and there is no room for failure or to stop. I cannot afford to.
With all this said again, I am going thru the ugly. With this in mind I try not to neglect and build new relationships with others. Also although I am pretty stressed with school I have been trying to get my everyday routine in settle place because of the severity of my well being, walking on eggshells setting a trigger.
What has helped me avoid trigger: Lessen the mess in home by whatever does not bring you happiness must go! Example: clothes in closet. Plan the day ahead or the overall month if possible. Breathe. Set healthy boundaries with others. Even though some has taken me a whole day for a simple task, it progress towards the bigger picture.
Since I have come this far by working and going to school… All the CSU results have came out and I have accepted to go to Cal State Fullerton for Computer Science! This may be on the back burner just because UC results have not came out quite yet, having a first choice in mind for a UC! Either way I will be happy with CSUF for my higher ed! 🙂
Odin and Holo says Hello! They have been the greatest support system, next to my partner. 🙂 I want to give Odin a little photoshoot! I played around with Canon but decided to get a more serious camera so switched to Sony. I love it so far but again haven’t gotten around to play with it much. I would like to take him to a nice hike but being a Great Pyrenees its hard on him, would like to take him on a flat trail or maybe the beach. HAHA he gives the best hugs! Holo gives the best cuddles.
Hello There World,
It has been a while going, I decided to start my day and jump in my site(spontaneous, I know). I decided to take the day for myself, kind of.. Except I have paperwork to do and a project to work on. It is actually my last semester at PCC, I got my first acceptance for my transfer! Still waiting on other schools I applied for(my first pick). Just because I am transferring hard part is far from over, I am studying for engineering LOL. This is helping me in calculus because I actually do math like this in my mind, HAHAHAHAHA fucked I know!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X09oxyIeGuY&ab_channel=musicuploader1000
One thing that has been bugging the hell out of me is my CS class this semester, I am so stressed about it because I feel like I am SOO behind. I am literally drowning, & question does anyone in hell know what they are doing in the class HAHA. I am going to push through it, because this is what I want to do. Today I kind of taken a rest from it, although I still have to work on the project. 😛
I know it is silly but my goal this year is to wish everyone on my Facebook friend a Happy Birthday(even if its late), because who knows what part of life they may be in. Or who cares if I haven’t talked to them in years! It just a silly thing I think of 😛 so far its going good!
These coming weeks I would like to focus on my physical health by taking more walks by myself & with my dog, work on yoga to stretch my body and lift weights since days are mainly spent on the computer. Maybe work on my blog more? Social accounts? Not sure!?
Well for now TTYL!
Let me begin with I never thought of myself of a dog person, I mean my first “pet” who I believe is family is my Tabby cat Holo. I had gotten him about a little more than 2 years ago (this year he will be 3 years old). It was my first time living alone and I was this dork who had a personality of a cat anyway! I fell in love with Holo and have been so happy with him, cats are very independent. I don’t love him any less, he helps me kill all the bugs in the house and protects me by alerting me someone is at the door! (More than my puppy ever will HAHA).
Anyway looking for Odin breed was a journey because they are not many sites that would lead you to this speicifc breed and if so it would be out of state. Cragslist had old postings, they would be mixed, or a number of other things. Now I do not know if Odin is mixed, and I think he is but he showing a lot of Pyr. and I saw his parents showing full Pyr but you just never know! I actually found a Facebook Group and got in contact with a breeder who was expecting puppies in May, and so I waited awhile.. a few weeks until they came out! Odin was a all white Pyr and the fattest of all! I picked him, and 8 weeks later I picked him up in California!
8 weeks to now… I am now a morning person, not by choice! He will hear my footsteps and bark for me, and not just the morning even at the middle of night! I don’t mind because he knows that I am his mom HAHA. He just gotten finished with his shots about two weeks ago (age:16 weeks). I was very strict in avoiding parvo, because puppies need all their shots before you can take them out to anywhere! I haven’t gotten to take him out for a walk everyday due to the excessive heat over 80 degree at 8am, and now the fire with the air quality! I cannot wait till this clears up more because he loves to run! (I have to slow him down with running due to can be growth issues with this breed). He is about 18 weeks and hes 45ish pounds! He is a absolute bugger when I eat my meals, but he is so smart! He has been crate trained since day 1, he does well in the crate and finds it his little space. He has not had a potty accident in 2 weeks, he knows to scratch the door to go outside haha. He knows the commands sit, paw, other paw, and we are currently working on wait. He learned to bark at me at month 3, and not protect the home because he hasn’t barked at anything, anyone, or any other dog yet! He a big ball of fluff and I keep him cool as much as possible due to his developing double coat in this California heat! Yes, he is a inside doggo and will always be! ❤ He is my little one and Holos brother, and has blessed me to be a dog mom. At time it can be hard, but hes all worth it! In upcoming weeks I hope to dabble back into photography and take amazing pictures for memories to capture memories of us!
Let me start off with I had a hard time choosing a digital watch that would satisfy my everyday needs, but mainly needs to measure my daily exercise like how many steps I am taking in & do what my phone can do without having it in my hand at that exact moment. I had gone over all the Samsung models since I have a Samsung Note 10 and would like everything just to be synchronized. The only thing I did not agree with in my experience with Samsung products is their tablets, the feel of their tablet feels “light” and I have to give this one to the Apple Ipad Pro. Anyways I love this watch and here are some Pros & Cons I have experienced.
♡ Cute & Stylist (I got the mystic bronze)
♡ Has a exercise/running coach (helpful during Covid, since gyms are closed & helps with guidance)
♡ Works with Instagram post updates/messages(unable to reply), Facebook Messenger, Emails, and Phone Calls/Texts
♡ SOS Feature (Works with the watch itself. Samsung Phones have this feature. Watch will update location as you move until you stop sharing SOS)
♡ Syncs with Google Calendar (being a student this helps a lot with dedicating time for Zoom classes, assignments, events & tasks. Having a puppy & cat I have to put time aside for them!)
☆ Battery life last about a day & a half
☆ Bezel paint scratches easily
☆ Price being high – $400 Bluetooth & not as a big upgrade from the Original Galaxy Watch now being half the price, also the active line being a year old being half the price.
Firstly off I am clear of the covid virus! Tested negative! Which I am super happy about! Another thing is well last Sunday I had picked up…. (drum roll).. a new family member! A puppy! He is all Great Pyrenees, and his name is Odin! His name is inspired by mythology of Gods, because Odin is going to be a big buddy! 🙂 When you think of Odin the name brings powerful sense, and a brave leader which I think his breed holds well. There will be another whole post just about him! His brother Holo and him are not getting along so much, but I am sure Holo will warm up! He is such a sweet boy! I am a dog and cat mom and I love them both! This is a very new adjustment in my life, I have to watch him every second and give him A LOT of play time. I’d say he is a troublemaker, but a cute one! I cannot wait till all his Parvo shots are done so I can take him everywhere with me! Sidenote: My sister Tray (his aunty) saw him today and thought he was so cute, and is in love with him too! He won’t be this small (7 weeks) for long! Tomorrow I have so much to do! I am taking this guy to the vet, lots of errands and paperwork, and a full day of homework! I do work part time and that takes some time out of my week as well. I am having mid terms this week for my three summer classes, so school work is priority! I signed up for my last semester at junior college at fall then time apply for my transfer! Most likely to a university! In the area? I am not sure but may be in the Bay area!? Anywhere I may be my family will be with me Holo and Odin! & who knows who else 😛 ❤
Love Holo, Odin, & me! Nighty!
Hello World! (This is a funny way to start off because this is the first line everyone writes in whatever coding language you choose! It always brings a smile to my face). Yes! This is my blog, as cheesy it may be! I will be honest… I have started one up before without a main focus, and most likely this one may be the same way 😛 maybe not so serious, because WHO is reading this?! This is a cheesy hobby, but its mine! Maybe a way to keep tabs on myself, and my life to look back at?! Journalish like?! (There is A LOT of MAYBES in this, but oh wells! Gotta have some quirks!)
Side note: I signed up for summer registration today and excited for new classes! By winter I will be done with junior college, and be able to transfer wherever I am accepted! Time during junior college has been so quick, actually I am surprised I will be able to transfer with a completion of a year and a half. After, another 2 or 3 years (depending how fast I go) to my degree 🙂 (I say I had a lot of setbacks, is why I started so late. Numbers of things!!!). Better have of done then to never have done and live with regret. Although I may not be going as the same pace as others, I have kept my peace with that as we all go at different speeds as we all do not start and end at the same line career wise as there is factor that go into it.
Anyway signing off! Over and out!